In too deep
by Athenaea
Summary: Nobody bests Lord Sesshoumaru, certainly not a slip of a human girl. But sometimes the need for revenge and blood turns into something quite different...
1. Underestimated

A/N: This is my first Inuyasha fic. I do not think it's something special at all, but I merely wrote it to get it out of my thoughts. Seeing that there are very many ways of spelling the names, I've decided on the ones I liked most. And a thing about Sesshoumaru's severed arm. Which one? This question is solved now, thanks to RyokoYuy!! Thank you so much for explaining the page-turning-thing! I wouldn't have guessed!! This fic isn't beta-ed yet.

**In too deep**

**Chapter I: Underestimated**

As the bloodred sun sank down under the horizon, the wind picked up speed, blowing the fallen leaves up and around. The twilight gave the forest a golden hue, making the autumn colours of the trees even more beautiful. Winter was approaching fast.

Kagome lent back against a large tree, and just took the scene in. It soothed her worn-out emotions somewhat, making her forget her problems temporarily. The forest always had given her some peace; even as a child, she loved playing in a forest. So many things to discover, so many plants and animals to see. Even now, she often stopped, to admire a very old tree, or to point Shippo at some rare flowers. Her mother had done to the same things with her, thus making her aware of the beauty of nature.

She shivered, and pulled her jacket closer around her. It was actually too thin, and gave her almost no extra warmth. And her uniform underneath it was no better. She should go back home, and get some clothes more fitting to the changing seasons, but she was afraid that she, once home, couldn't bring up the courage and determination to come back and to expose herself to the problems of her life in the Sengoku Jidai 

Of course, racing a homicidal, insane and sadistic hanyou for the last remaining shards was exhausting, and at times very dangerous and unrewarding, but that was not the reason why she was currently at the end of her rope. No, that was the blame of another hanyou. 

Inuyasha... She sighed deeply, while she absent-mindedly played with the hem of her skirt. She stared down at it, but saw nothing. Instead, many memories were played out in front of her eyes, making her relive them, time after time.

It brought her back to times, when Inuyasha had lied to her, by going after Kikyo, and not telling her. That was what hurt the most; his obvious carelessness to inform her about major decisions in his life; decisions which effected her as well! His painful dismissal of her feelings, the contempt towards her loyalty and friendship she offered him. Even love... She had learned quickly to strengthen her heart against his stinging and cruel remarks and insults. Her crush had already faded, and her love was wasting away, out of neglect and due to too many humiliations. But the most painful thing of all was the continuing rejection of her friendship and loyalty. Like he was almost afraid to get close to her, like it was a betrayal to his old love- now revived. He had to be a masochist; Kikyo hated him, and tried to hurt him at every opportunity, and yet, he kept meeting her, loving her. And when he looked at her, Kagome, he saw something that resembled his loved one, but came short in many, many ways,... if you'd believe him.

She always had her up and downs in her relationship with Inuyasha, but the past few months, it had only deteriorated... She had tried everything she could come up with, to strengthen their shaky friendship, but he wouldn't co-operate. It only seemed to annoy him. She had become very frustrated, and had begun to doubt herself even more than before. What was wrong with her, that she couldn't even keep a friendship with the man she loved? 

But maybe things weren't her fault. Maybe, she had done the best she could, and now should better forget him? Find somebody else, someone who would give a damn about her feelings? She had been told several times, that she wasn't unworthy of the hanyou, no it was the other way around! She smiled ruefully; she didn't care; she wanted no-one else... Right? It seemed that some people claimed otherwise...

One person in particular; he seemed to know her so well; he saw through her defences and masks. She was as an open book to him. However the greatest mystery he had ever encountered. She buried herself into her jacket, like she was hiding from painful memories. He scared her, in more ways than one. She was weak to admit it, but only to herself! For him, she stood proud, never to back down. Never to avoid his piercing gaze. Unwillingly, her thought were yet again centred around him. He was a... problem, yes. He doubled her anxiety, her worries, and her fatigue. She didn't know how much longer she could take the stress. Maybe she should go home... 

Her memories drifted back to the day when her life got a whole lot more complicated...

                                                                       ****

_It was just three weeks ago, on a beautiful day in early autumn. They were on their way back to Kaede's village, after having successfully found and retrieved a Shikon shard. The battle had been a hard one, injuring Inuyasha quite badly, and bringing minor injuries to the rest of the group. Kagome hoped that once they'd arrive in the village, Inuyasha would allow them some time to rest and heal, even if it was only for his own wounds. Still, they had been quite happy, and even Inuyasha let up on his constant grumbling._

_The peace was not meant to be; suddenly, Inuyasha sniffed the air curiously. Demon, was the first thing that came to Kagome's mind and she was soon proved right when Inuyasha growled and drew the Tetsusaiga. Everyone was immediately on edge, but before anyone had the time to ask what was wrong, Inuyasha sprang into action; he swung the sword at a couple of trees._

_It was blocked._

_Swords were pulsing with power, but behind the owner stood; the stoic and cold presence of the Great Demon Lord of the West, Sesshoumaru. As Inuyasha was straining with his blade against the Toukijin, the taiyoukai was having no troubles at all at keeping Inuyasha at bay; he almost looked bored. Then, with a casual fleck of his wrist, Sesshoumaru threw Inuyasha backwards._

_All the while, Kagome, Sango and Miroku stood at the side, all bracing their weapons. Shippou had hidden himself half behind Kagome, snarling at the Demon Lord. Kagome frowned; Sesshoumaru seemed even more confident than usual. And strong, very strong. They hadn't heard nor seen him in a couple of months. Kagome wondered where he had been up to. She shuddered; he always succeeded in frightening her, just with his presence alone. The memories of all their previous encounters were still fresh on her mind. Still, she refused to give into that fear. She notched an arrow on her bow, and watched nervously._

_Inuyasha jumped to his feet, ready for the fight. He growled at his brother: "What do you want now? Doesn't it get through that thick skull of yours that you just can't get Tetsusaiga?! You can't even touch it," taunted Inuyasha. "Or maybe you just want to have your ass kicked again? By the way, how's the left arm?"_

_Sesshoumaru didn't react to Inuyasha's baiting, which wasn't unexpected, but instead, he smiled a very cold and cruel smile._

_"Now that you ask, hanyou, it's quite fine, thank you."_

_Kagome frowned; what did he mean by that?_

_"Ha! Got yourself another replacement? We'll see what you've come up with this time!" Inuyasha was full of confidence._

_"Replacement? No." Still that cold, satisfied smile adorned his lips, giving Kagome shivers. What was he up to?_

_Suddenly, the left sleeve of Sesshoumaru's kimono, which appeared to be empty, was lifted, and a hand appeared. Long, gracious fingers with the feared claws, and the magenta stripes adorned the wrist._

_Oh... Oh no. This is not good! Kagome gasped and the feeling of approaching disaster deep in her stomach grew stronger._

_"What!" Exclaimed Miroku. "How?!"_

_"He got his arm back!" Sango's voice sounded intimidated._

_"Maybe he 'borrowed' another one?!" Miroku suggested._

_"No, it's his own! Look at the claws, and the stripes! They're identical to the ones on his other wrist! This arm is definitely his own..." Kagome bit her lip._

_"How is this possible? Can he regenerate lost body parts? Or is this the cause of magic?" Sango wondered aloud._

_The others didn't answer; how could they, if they didn't have a clue themselves?_

_Inuyasha stared at his brother, dumbfounded. "How?" Was the only thing that came out of him._

_"Wouldn't you like to know?" Sesshoumaru gave him a mocking smirk, and proudly twisted his left wrist, as like testing it's flexibility._

_Inuyasha seemed to recompose himself, and lowered himself in a fighting stance. "New arm or not, if you think you can take the sword from me, you're delirious."_

_"We'll see about that, won't we?" And suddenly he was gone; he moved to fast for human eyes to see. The next thing Kagome saw was Inuyasha desperately blocking the Toukijin's swings directed at him. _

_Seeing Sesshoumaru fight was like watching a very graceful, powerful and most of all deadly dance. A dance which seemed to cost him no effort at all. Kagome had to admit that in some strange way, it thrilled her; she knew that if it hadn't been aimed to kill them , she could have enjoyed watching him with awe and respect. Now, she was franticly trying to figure out a way to stop him from killing Inuyasha. Because this time, he was more serious than ever in achieving his goal. _

_After they had survived this attack, she would deal with this strange feeling she got from looking at the fighting Youkai. Inuyasha would not be pleased if he found out that somehow his precious sharddetector was having feelings like a grudging respect and admiration for his hated half-brother._

_However, as she watched on, the surviving part could turn out to be very difficult; she could clearly tell that Inuyasha was using all his strength and speed to avoid the Demon Lord's attacks, while Sesshoumaru only seemed to be warming up. He's playing with him, came the sudden realisation. She could tell, by the coldly amused smirk and the cruel look in his eyes._

_Kagome saw the frustrated and angered look on the face of Inuyasha. Inuyasha wounds were clearly bothering him, but still, not at much as Kagome had feared. Luckily, he healed fast. However, she knew what this did to Inuyasha; it was making him feel even more insecure about his own strengths. Only Sesshoumaru succeeded in making him doubt his own capabilities. It made Inuyasha even more determined in completing the Shikon no Tama, and make his wish to become a full demon. Everything, to become worthy in his brother's eyes. It would be of no use, Kagome thought miserably; Sesshoumaru would never look at Inuyasha with anything else but hatred and disgust. She knew that    Inuyasha didn't recognise his own desire to be considered as an equal in his brother's eyes. Instead, it manifested itself as a need for revenge. _

_There was no time to be contemplating Inuyasha's traumas from his youth, nor his brother's part in them. Inuyasha only just avoided a killing blow to the chest. Worry and fatigue was etched on his face, but still he fought on, not wanting to admit a defeat. Because admitting defeat here, would mean his death. Suddenly, Sesshoumaru struck with his left hand, poison glistening on his claws, sinking deep in Inuyasha's right shoulder. Inuyasha staggered from the blow, and fell to his knees. He was panting as he clutched his wounded shoulder with one hand. The other brought the Tetsusaiga up, and just in time; the Toukijin was stopped from his deadly descent towards Inuyasha's head. But he was visibly struggling to keep it up, and soon, his last bit of strength would leave him too._

_I've got to help him! Was Kagome's last rational thought before she let loose her arrow, which was glowing with her mysterious powers. Powers, of which she was still unsure how to use them; they came from somewhere deep inside her, but she lacked total control over him._

_The arrow hit true; it shattered the taiyoukai's armour. Well, I sure cost him some armour! Was her completely irrational thought. But at the same time, she had fired two more arrows. One missed, another clashed with the Toukijin, making showers of energy erupting from the evil sword. Sesshoumaru ducked from another arrow, but was shocked when one nicked his shoulder, leaving a shallow wound, which was however hurting like hell. Miko powers._

_She had succeeded from diverting Sesshoumaru's attention from Inuyasha, only to have it directed at her instead. She didn't hesitate, nor falter under his heavy stare, but kept shooting her arrows. Where her speed, or her accuracy came from, she did not know, but it enabled her to keep the Lord occupied._

_He narrowed his eyes at her, and she felt cold dread tingle up her spine. She heard the shouts of her friends, but they were vague, muffled. She was solely concentrating on her bow and arrows, filling them with her power. _

_All of a sudden, one pierced his right hand. Both shocked, Kagome and Sesshoumaru looked at the arrow, pulsating with her purifying energy. With a fierce growl, he wrenched it through his hand, and dropped it to the ground. When he looked up again, at the little Miko, he saw her aiming one right at his heart. Usually, he would have laughed at her, and dared to shoot it, knowing he could easily snatch it from the air. However, how did one actually pierce his hand? How could they be this fast? He felt her power wreck through his blood, making him even more wary of her powers. Where did those come from? How did she got them? Last time he saw her, she was not even close to possessing something like this..._

_Would he take his chances and still charge at her? Maybe it was wiser to first completely understand the source and nature of the little creature's power. Then, he would attack. _

_"This, little Miko, is not over."_

_And with that said, he was gone._

                                                                       ****

Kagome leaned her head back against the rough bark and stared at the cloudless sky, which was quickly darkening. Venus was starting to appear, signalling the beginning of the night. Everything around her seemed so peaceful, almost mocking the turmoil of her mind and heart.

She still didn't know why or how her power had manifested itself so strongly that day. And even though she felt quite happy about her accomplishment, it had been the cause of her problems. However, she felt more valuable to the group now; she had a way to defend herself, even fight! No longer was she a bystander, a weakness that had to be protected. Inuyasha had told her many times before how useless she was, a liability and a nuisance when they fought; he had made her feel very guilty and very insecure about herself. Kagome frowned. He did still; he only had to make a off-handed remark about Kikyou, and her self-esteem was gone. It was true; she didn't have a perfect control over them, and Inuyasha sure rubbed that in. The burning question in her mind since a long time was: did he know how much it hurt her, or was it just his mood that made him say those things, and he wasn't even aware of their venom?

She closed her eyes; she was so very tired of it all. She now wished that day had never come to pass. It caused another major fight to happen between her and Inuyasha. There had been some pretty harsh things said, and even now she could still feel the disbelief, the hurt and the outrage at his words. All this because she dared to interfere in a fight which, he said, he could have easily won...

                                                                       ****

Kagome fell to the ground, gasping for breath, and all the while thanking the fates for bringing her this much good luck. She looked at her hands in disbelief and awe; they were still glowing. How had she managed to do this?

_Miroku sat down beside her, a very relieved look on his face. "Kagome... That was... unbelievable. I am impressed." Admiration shone in his eyes, making Kagome blush._

_"Ehh, well, I don't know how I did it... Or if I can do this again..."_

_"Don't worry," Sango said happily, "I think things will be a lot easier from now on."_

_"You were really... cool!" Shippou exclaimed, having remembered that word from her. "And you really kicked his butt!"_

_"Language, Shippou," Kagome said sternly, but grinned at the energetic little fox. _

_"But... Inuyasha says much worse things!"_

_"Oh. You want to sound like Inuyasha, then?" Kagome asked innocently._

_"No!" He said disgusted. Kagome laughed; at his antics, at the relief that she felt and at the tingling feeling of her awoken power. Laughing just seemed the way to let it out._

_It was soon over when she looked up an saw a wounded, but irate hanyou standing before her._

_She jumped up. "Sorry! I forgot- Are you all right? He didn't hurt you really bad? Did he? Come on, sit down and-"_

_"Shut up!" He yelled, and snarled at her._

_Kagome took a step back, confused and shocked. What was wrong?_

_"What's wrong?" She voiced her confusion._

_"You stupid wench! Always so eager to get into the middle of a fight, aren't you?" He threw those words at her, making her even more confused._

_"Always thinking you can get away with anything! Always assuming everything will be all right, that I come along and save you!"_

_Aha. He was worried, she thought, and a warm feeling washed over her. However that feeling was crushed when Inuyasha continued:_

_"You always want to be the centre of everything! You had no fucking right to- to... to steal this fight from me! I could have handled that idiot myself! But no; you had to came and get all glowy! And you think you've achieved something! Ha! It's nothing compared to Kikyou! You're nothing! How could you even think that my half-brother would have thought you a worthy opponent?! Now, he's gone again, and so is my chance to finally kill that son of a bitch!"_

_She did understand it, she really did: He had failed to protect them, failed in defeating his brother. Instead, a girl had scared the taiyoukai away. It must be blow to his self-confidence and pride. And who was the most suitable person to take it out on? Well, here you have the reincarnation of his former love. Why not pick her? Kagome felt a bitter feeling wash over her at hearing his words. Why must he always drag Kikyou into this? _

_"Stop it!" Came it suddenly. Sango marched right up to Inuyasha and pushed the startled hanyou back. _

_"You ungrateful..." Sango was fuming, but couldn't find a good word to describe him._

_"Dork? Bastard?" Offered Shippou helpfully. He bared his teeth at Inuyasha; so very angry with him for yelling all these things to Kagome._

_"Yes! You are an ungrateful bastard! She saved you, and probably all of us, and you have such a large ego that you can't even acknowledge that! No; now that ego is hurt you got to take it out on someone. Well, go to that stupid Kikyou and use her as an outlet for your anger! I bet she can appreciate it! Then, you can both grumble about hate, and unfairness! But leave Kagome alone! You got that!?" By now, she was dangerously swinging her Hiraikotsu at him. _

_"I completely agree with Sango. You are acting like a child. Now, sit down and shut up, and let us take care of those wounds." Miroku glared at Inuyasha._

_"You can go to hell, all of you!" And suddenly he bolted, and had disappeared in the forest._

_"Inuyasha!" Kagome yelled after him. "Come back!" Then, softly: "You're hurt..."_

_Miroku sighed deeply at seeing the worried look in Kagome's eyes. "He's not worthy of your feelings. All he does is hurting you. I don't know how you can put up with it... And why does he do it?"_

_"Maybe because he thinks that I... I think he's so very confused... He still doesn't really know how to handle his hurt or anger. The only way he knows to blow off steam, is to take his anger or pain out on somebody else... I think that I'm just convenient for it." Miroku looked at her sympathetically_

_"Come on, let's go. There's no use in staying here. He'll catch up with us." Sango started to walk again, followed by the others. Shippou walked beside Kagome, grasping her hand tightly._

_"Kagome?"_

_"Yeah," she asked absent-mindedly._

_"Don't listen to him, Kagome. He's a real dork. He's so stupid."_

_"It isn't easy for him, you know; all these fights, and than his brother too."_

_"So what? He should be a lot nicer."_

_"Thanks, Shippou."_

_"Kagome?"_

_"Yes?"_

_"I was really worried there, you know. I thought that Sesshoumaru was going to kill you."_

_"Me too. I guess we were lucky."_

_"Yeah."_

                                                                       ****

They had made camp that evening, but still Inuyasha was nowhere to be found. She was getting sick with worry, and sick with the images she conjured for herself. Maybe he was out there, dying, or being attacked by something, and couldn't escape, and... Or, maybe... She really didn't want to think about it...

She had worked herself into a frenzy, unable to sit down, or to read or sleep. Instead, she had taken a short walk through the forest, within screaming range of the camp of course, to seek some peace and quiet. She wanted to sort the events and feelings out, and try to forget the hurtful words of Inuyasha. It had proven to be her biggest mistake yet.

                                                                       ****

_She let herself fall down with a very deep sigh, and looked at the faint glow of the campfire. She bit her lip; she was upset, but she didn't want to cry. Not now. She was so tired already. If she was to cry now, she wouldn't be able to stop, and only succeeded in wearing herself out. So, she fought back the tears, even if the thought of letting it all out for once was so appealing. She hugged herself; it was getting a bit chilly now, and she was only wearing her uniform. She had forgotten her jacket; it was probably lying somewhere in her sleeping bag._

_Once more she sighed, then stood up, and dusted herself off. It was better to get back at the camp anyway; it was getting very silent, and it was freaking her out! Like something was approaching... Or about to happen, or- Once again, she had successfully managed to scare the wits out of herself. Really, that had to stop sometime soon. _

_Kagome took a step towards the camp, when she suddenly heard a twig snap. She whirled around, ready for anything... Or so she thought. Suddenly she was up close and personal with someone's... armour? Oh Gods, no! Her mind screamed. Run!_

_However, before she could even so much as move, she was up in the air, dangling from a single clawed hand that was locked around her throat, making it very difficult to breath. It was just one thing that registered in her mind:_

_Sesshoumaru_

_She was clutching his hand with both of hers, trying to lift the pressure of her throat, but to no avail. She looked at him; he stood there, face hard and cold, staring at her. No emotions were seen on his deceptively angelic face. How could someone so beautiful be so... cruel? And cold. And homicidal. The only thing that was betraying somewhat of what he was feeling was his mouth. It stood grim, lips pressed tightly together. I'm going to die! Kagome thought franticly. His claws were pressing in the soft skin, drawing blood in some places. _

_Suddenly he raised his other hand, and Kagome gasped, if that was so much as possible. His right hand it was, and it had a large, festering wound in it. A wound caused by her arrow. She still didn't have a clue how it had actually got in his hand._

_"You see this? How did you do this to me? How, Miko! What kind of power is it, that it almost doesn't heal? Speak up, wench!" He all but growled at her._

_Kagome whimpered; even though he seemed calm and composed, he was bordering on rage!_

_"I-I don't know!" She managed to bring out._

_"Don't lie to this Sesshoumaru!"_

_"I'm not!! I d-don't know how I did it... I don't know what it does! It just... was there suddenly!" She had no idea how to explain the sudden rush of power had felt; she didn't even know if she could do it again!_

_He snarled at her, baring his sharp fangs, and suddenly pulled her closer, until their faces were only a breath apart. She stared helplessly, frightened into his golden eyes, now speckled with red._

_"I will find out. I will know what your power is. And then, after you have served your purpose, I'll kill you." He then dropped her to the ground, and when she looked up, he was gone..._

_She climbed on her wobbly feet, and carefully touched her throat. That was sure going to bruise, and there was some little puncture wounds. How was she going to hide this from her friends? Because she was going to do that. Why? Because she didn't want to get her friends involved... In whatever the Demon Lord wanted... Was he really going to kill her? What was it that he wanted from her? She didn't understand how the Inuyoukai worked... Maybe, he would just forget about her. Right, maybe. And as long as he wasn't going to do anything more than roughen her up a bit, she had no desire to bring Inuyasha into this... There was just no telling what could happen..._

_Kagome shoved the red tie of her uniform somewhat higher over her throat. Though it hurt, she hoped that it, together with the darkness, would hide the skin. Tomorrow, she would think of something better._


	2. From bad to worse

A/N: Thanks to al you reviewers at Fanfiction.net, Sesshoumaru Fanfictions and Adultfanfiction.net!! I really hope this chapter does kind of meet your expectations!

And to clear up a few things: Yes, this is a Sess/Kag story. I'm kind of addicted to this pairing. Oh, and people, I'm Dutch, and I still have to send this to my beta... When I get back the revised chapters, I'll put those up. Till then, please just ignore the butchering of this language, ok?

**In too Deep**

**Chapter II: From bad to worse**

A shouted: "Hey, Kagome!" Pulled her out of her memories. Shippou was running towards her, fast. Then he dove right into her arms.

"What's the matter?" She asked curiously.

"Inuyasha is at it again. He's cursing a lot! He's mad about not getting any closer to that shikon shard you were sensing."

"I know... I don't know why it's travelling so fast... Perhaps tomorrow we could-"

"Take a break! We're all beat, and you most of all! He can go after it himself!"

"Shippou, that shard is important." Kagome was very serious now. 

"I know, but... I- I think you don't look so good."

"I'll be fine, honest."

"I don't think so." Shippou leaned back into her warm embrace, enjoying her soft scent.

"How's dinner coming?"

"That's true! I had to get some more wood! Why do I always have to go search for it? Inuyasha never does anything! Why me?"

"I don't know. But do it this time, okay? Next time, we'll let Inuyasha do it!"

"I like to see you try," snorted the kit.

"Don't go too far. You never know what could happen."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll just sit here. I have to do something about school."

"Okay! But isn't it too dark now?"

"Ehh, well, I don't know. I'm just going to try, all right?"

"Sure! I'll come and get you when dinner is ready!"

"That would be nice."

She hadn't finished, and yet the kit was already gone into the woods. Kagome knew she didn't have to worry, and that he could look after himself, but still... he was so young, and he was so very dear to her. She would do anything for him.

She let her mind wander back towards the events after that evening. The morning after, she had discovered that the bruises were luckily not that bad. She could disguise it with her uniform. When she didn't see hide nor hair from the Sesshoumaru for the next three days, she dared to hope that he had forgotten about her, and that his hand had healed nicely; therefore, he had no more need to harass her.

Unfortunately, she was wrong. On the fourth day, she had got into another fight with Inuyasha. He had been moping since he had came back, two days after he had disappeared. He had just appeared out of no where and had said nothing about his disappearance; he just snapped at Kagome: "I've heard rumours about a shard. We'll go south!" And with that said, he had set a brusque pace. Shippou had commented some time later that he reeked of dirt. She really didn't want to think about the implications of it...

However, on that particular day, Shippou had asked if they could stop for today, as it was getting dark and he was rather tired. Inuyasha blew up on him, without reason, and Kagome had said so to him. Which resulted in a fight. Finally, when she had enough, she had stomped off into the woods, yelling back at him that she wasn't going anywhere anymore tonight!

When she was far enough into the woods, she kicked a tree, to relieve her anger. It only resulted in a bruised toe. Fuming, she turned around, only to collide with... Sesshoumaru. She was freaked, and tried to run of course, but he had her up against a tree in no time. Luckily, he held her up by her shoulders this time.

When he didn't got any satisfying answers from her (not even with the threat of death by claw), he disappeared again. 

Two days later, the same thing had happened again. By that time, she had started to get really worried. When would Sesshoumaru be satisfied, and would he actually kill her then? How many times would he come back? What if he hurt one of her friends instead? She still decided against telling them, not wanting to upset them.

Kagome did think about some kind of strategy. She would try to stay as much in her friends' company as she could. No more walks at night. Because that was when he appeared; at night, when she was all alone and out into the woods. She figured that Sesshoumaru didn't want to get her friends involved into his little... problem. After all, it would not do for a taiyoukai to have a problem with a little human Miko, right? And she was planning on using that!

Though, that had been easier said than done...

                                                                       ****

"Brat, get out of my way!" Inuyasha snapped at Shippou who had plopped down between him and Kagome. They were eating dinner, and Kagome had finally started to relax from another long day of walking. 

_"Leave him alone, Inuyasha!" The hanyou however ignored her, and lifted up a hand and knocked him on his head._

_"Ouch!!" Yelled Shippou, and he jumped up and took a few steps away from Inuyasha. Inuyasha had been taking his temper not only out at Kagome, also the other members of the small group were sometimes the victim of his temper tantrums. Especially Shippou seemed to annoy him more than usual._

_"What's the matter with you?!" Kagome asked angrily. "He didn't do anything wrong! He just sat there!"_

_"He's annoying me!"_

_"Well, who's not, nowadays?! You are always annoyed or angry or irritated! I'm sick of it! Why don't you try to act like a normal person sometimes!" Even though she knew it would probably lead to another row, she yelled out her frustrations._

_"Yeah! You do nothing else but blame us when something goes wrong! We can do nothing about it! You're stupid!" Shippou stuck his tongue at Inuyasha._

_"Me stupid? Come here, you! When I get my hands on you..." Inuyasha jumped up and started to chase after Shippou, who yelped and ran into the woods._

_"Guys! Stop that! Shippou! Inuyasha, come here! Inuyasha, leave him alone!" Kagome ran after the two into the thick forest, followed by Miroku and Sango._

_"Where are they?" Sango asked rather irritated._

_"I do not know what's bothering Inuyasha. His temper is even worse than normal! What do you think, Kagome?" Miroku gave Kagome a questioning look._

_"I don't know, and I really don't care right now. I want to find Shippou! Now..."_

_"Shall we split up?"_

_"Right. Let's do that. Miroku, go right, Sango, you left, and I'll..." she pointed straight forwards, "go that way."_

_"All right. Be careful. Take your bow and arrows."_

_"I will. Maybe I can use them on Inuyasha. Really, he's gone too far now! Chasing Shippou into the woods, and for what? Bastard!" Kagome was fuming._

_She quickly returned to the now deserted camp, and picked up her weapons, then quickly ran into the woods, determined to find Shippou, and to give Inuyasha a piece of her mind! _

****__

_She had searched for them for about half an hour, and still she had found no signs of them. Kagome was getting more angry by the minute. When she got her hands on Inuyasha... Major bloodshed! She was mulling his recent behaviour over and over in her mind. She knew he still wasn't over the fact that she had warded off his brother, while he had been beaten and humiliated. She had tried to talk to him, and had offered her apologies to him; not for besting his brother, but for interfering with their battle. She couldn't apologise for besting his brother; she didn't feel sorry about it!  She had tried to explain why she had did it: she had told him she had feared for his life! She had told him she was actually worried for him. She even admitted to him that she cared. _

_He had thrown it all back into her face. He had informed her in a snide voice that he didn't need or *****want* her worries nor her caring. It was useless to him. Useless and unwanted. A bother, that was all she was to him. Where was their friendship, their understanding? If she had to believe him, it had never existed._

_She climbed over a large tree, which was blocking the path she was following. She focused all her attentions on the dark forest, forcefully pushing away all the hurting thoughts about Inuyasha. She would deal with her slowly breaking heart later. Much later. Or maybe ignore it. Or push it far back into her mind. Pretend that everything is fine. Lalala... But was deluding herself such a good idea? _

_Suddenly, she heard a faint sound._

_"Shippou?" She asked softly._

_"Shippou!" She said aloud. "Hey, are you there? Come here! Please? I'll give Inuyasha a hundred 'sits' okay? Shippou! Hey-"_

_She cut herself off, when suddenly Sesshoumaru stepped out of the thick foliage._

_"Oh." Kagome took a step back. No, not now! Why now? She wondered about her lack of luck lately._

_"Who is this Shippou you are looking for?" He asked disinterestedly._

_"He's the little Kitsune in our group." She took another step back, as the Youkai advanced on her._

_"Stay still." He commanded her. _

_Kagome just looked at him, and blinked. Then frowned. "No! I don't have time for this!"_

_With that, she turned around and run as fast away from him as she could._

_If she had looked around for a single moment, she had run even faster; Sesshoumaru was surprised, for a millisecond. Then, it turned to rage. No one dismissed/disobeyed/ignored him! Red started to cloud the clear gold of his eyes. The Miko would regret her disobedience! He took off after her._

_Kagome was running blindly further into the woods; her heart was racing madly. What had she done? Say no to a Demon Lord?! Smooth move! Oh, I am so dead! Kagome couldn't think clearly anymore, as a feeling of dread came over her. But she had to find Shippou! But maybe she should be more worried about her own fate._

_She felt the shifting of the air, right before a weight hurled into her back and she was slammed to the ground. Because of the impact, the air left her lungs forcefully, and left her coughing and gasping for breath. Her bow and quiver fell to the ground beside her, but it went unnoticed by Kagome._

_Before she had any time to regain her bearings, she was rolled over. The first thing that registered into her fogged mind were two golden eyes, with a reddish hue... _

_"Sesshoumaru!" She gasped._

_He delivered her a blow to her cheek, and her face whipped to the right. A red mark immediately appeared on her pale skin._

_"If you value your worthless life, wench, I suggest you'll never do that again." He hauled her up by her shirt, and growled at her. "Never try to disobey me! I don't take well to that kind of treatment by anyone... Certainly not by a pathetic slip of a human like yourself."_

_"I-I'm sorry! Please, let go!" She whispered._

_He let go of her shirt and unbalanced, she fell to the ground. Uncertainly, she looked up to see Sesshoumaru looking down at her with a look of contempt and disgust on his face._

_"You sure are a weak creature; the power you displayed that afternoon was just a fluke, wasn't it? You know no way to summon it, nor use it in any way... you're absolutely worthless, just like my half-brother says..."_

_Kagome flinched like she had received another slab. How does he knows that... Why does everyone thinks I'm... I'm not! I'm not worthless... No!_

_She worked herself on her feet, using a nearby tree for support. These words shouldn't hurt this much... It was just a murdering taiyoukai who said such things. He didn't even know her. He knew nothing about her! She blinked repeatedly, willing the hot, burning tears to stay in her eyes. She would not cry in front of him._

_A cold smirk played on the lips of Sesshoumaru. "Yes, worthless, useless; a typical human. I think I'll end your meaningless existence now. I-"_

_He was abruptly cut off when a small form ran into him. He swatted the Kitsune away, like he was a pesky fly._

_Shippou jumped before Kagome. "Leave her alone!" He cried out._

_"Shippou, no! Stay back," Kagome tried to shove Shippou behind her. She was immensely relieved to see him without a scratch, but how was she going to protect him from Sesshoumaru?!_

_"No! He wants to kill you!" Shippou said, looking very afraid._

_"And just how are you going to stop me?" Sesshoumaru leaned a bit forwards, his voice mocking the little fox._

_Shippou balled his little fists, and suddenly launched himself at the Demon Lord, who nonchalantly took a step to the side. Then he reached out and grabbed the little kit by his tail, and threw him away; Shippou collided with a tree, and gave a little "eep" as he fell to the forest floor._

_Sesshoumaru advanced towards him, and reached up one hand, and the claws started glowing. His intent was clear._

_"No! Stop!" Kagome screamed, and run to intercept him._

_"Don't worry, you're next." And he paid her no further heed._

_Where are my arrows? Kagome was looking franticly for a weapon to use. She had lost them somewhere... But where? It was impossible to find them in the night, on the dark ground. _

_But she would not let Shippou come to harm! She would rather die than let anything happen to him._

_Fear for Shippo's life seemed to give her wings, and she ducked under Sesshoumaru's raised arm, and stood before Shippo's unconscious body._

_The Taiyoukai looked down at her, like she was something vile, and said with a sneer. "If you are so eager for your death, why wouldn't you just say so."_

_"Leave him alone!"_

_"It's just a Kitsune. There are countless of them. What is so special about this, that you will die for him?"_

_"I love him! And besides that, he's a living, breathing creature. A child! Do you kill children? Are you that despicable?" She cried out._

_He let out a low growl at hearing her words. "Watch what you're saying."_

_"Ah! But you don't deny it!"_

_"If anyone, even a child, dares to defy me, he gets what he deserves." He replied coolly. He took a step closer towards her. "I am not going to explain how a lowlife like yourself and that Kitsune should be treating I, Sesshoumaru. You are nothing more than filth, littering the earth."_

_Kagome was surprised at how deep his disgust and hatred for humans ran. She was shocked by his obvious disregard of life. His arrogance... unbearable._

_"Stay there. Because I **will** hurt you!"_

_"Stupid girl. You can't hurt me. You're weak. You will always be weak. You cannot protect the ones you love... It's pathetic to see you try. You're failing so miserably. So typical."_

_"No!" Kagome felt the deep buried anger and hurt of the similar insults of Inuyasha erupt in her, and Sesshoumaru's taunting insults were added fuel to her rising anger. That, together with the despair and fear for Shippou that she felt, made her vision swim; so violent were these emotions ripping through her. They needed an outlet. Now._

_She pushed her hands against Sesshoumaru's armour, who had taken another step closer. A disdainful smirk on his face. His hand started to glow; such a bright colour._

_"No! I am not weak! I am NOT!" She screamed, and she let go; energy, pent up in her body, screaming for a release, came rushing out of her hands. It enveloped her with a shocking bright light. Pure white. It cancelled through her hands, right into... Right into the demon Lord. His face showed his surprise for just a fraction of a second. Then, his face twisted in a grimace. A grimace of pain, as the force of that energy tore through his armour and flesh and threw him away from her. It smashed him through several trees, until it dropped him, and then the energy disappeared. Gone, just as swiftly and mysteriously as it came. The taiyoukai was laying on the ground, unmoving._

_Kagome's breathed in and out deeply; heaving gasps. She looked at him, with disbelief clearly written on her face. What had just happened? She wondered. Everything had happened in a blur. The images were vague... What had she done? _

_Still panting from the exertion, she turned around, and picked Shippou up. He was unconscious, but breathing steadily, so Kagome dared to hope that he would soon wake up, and be okay._

_She turned slightly, to look once more at the fallen form of Sesshoumaru. Was he badly hurt? She hadn't killed him, had she? Oh, she hoped not! The white clothes and the silvery hair lightened up eerily in the light of the moon. Why, after all he had done to her and her friends, did she almost threw up with the thought she might have killed him? _

_But as she took a hesitant step towards the youkai, he started to move. Kagome froze for a single moment, then turned around and ran as fast as she could in the direction of their camp, with Shippou safely in her arms. She did not want to wait for his reaction! She did appreciate her life, after all. Plus, she still had to deal with one irate hanyou!_

_Sesshoumaru watched them disappearing in the forest. His armour was (again) completely ruined, and he could smell his own blood. The bitch had burnt him. He rose slowly, and the pieces of his armour clattered on the ground. _

_He had underestimated her again. Or she was just unpredictable. Maybe both; she apparently wasn't exactly in control of her powers. Nor aware how to use them. Interesting. They were connected with her emotions. When she feared for the safety of her friends, and saw no other way out, she could somehow tap into it, and use it to protect them... She could be very powerful. Maybe, in time, she would be the best protector of her little group. Even more powerful than Inuyasha. Of course; that wouldn't take much..._

_"I'll see you soon, little Miko." He whispered at the silent clearing. A threat and a promise combined. He didn't know why exactly he still bothered with her. Curiosity, that was it. And a desire to get even with her. And he would do whatever it takes, to show her no one bested this Sesshoumaru._

                                                                       ****

Of course then, Kagome hadn't been aware of his intentions. If she had known, she would have run screaming to the well, to hide. Kagome smirked at herself. Yes, if she had known what he would do to her, she would have gone back home, only to reappear six months later, or something. Maybe then he would have let go of his anger. Sad eyes stared into the falling darkness, but saw nothing. If only she had know, she could have been... prepared. At least prepared for the confusion, the hurt and being in the constant state of anxiety. Maybe, that would have made things easier to bear now... 

**A/N**: Rrrrrread and rrrrrreview, people!! Thanks!


	3. Blow to the heart

A/N: Thanks so much for all your lovely reviews! I only hope you will continue to like this story!!  
  
Oh, and I forgot something very important; Disclaimer!!!! Here it is:  
  
**Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha!  
**  
**In too deep  
**  
Chapter 3: Blow to the heart  
  
Dusk was gone, and the night had fallen. But the dark didn't bother Kagome, perhaps because she didn't really notice it. She was lost in her thoughts, reliving her memories. Some of them happy, some of them funny, most of them painful. It really made her wonder why she was staying, and if it was worth it. Because she hated to admit it, but sometimes she wondered if she just couldn't go home, and forget about the Shikon no Tama, to forget about Inuyasha and Sesshoumaru and to leave all her problems behind.  
  
The things that kept her from doing just that, were her friends, and the hate she carried for Naraku. And she wanted, more than everything else, that the suffering of others, due to Naraku's unrelenting and ruthless quest for power, stopped. Whenever they came upon a burnt down village, or a slaughtered human or youkai, her resolve to end this strengthened.  
  
And perhaps, she wanted to show those who thought so little of her that she wasn't weak, that she didn't run away and that she could be useful. It was almost pathetic how much she suffered under those remarks and beliefs about her. She almost started to believe in them herself. Maybe she already did. Maybe, deep down, she had always known they were telling the truth... But what could she do? She tried so hard, and sometimes it was working; sometimes she managed to use her Miko abilities, to protect herself and her friends. But to actually kill another living being... She didn't know if she could do that. Somehow, she couldn't bring herself to harm another, save for protection. Somehow, it felt wrong to use her powers for anything else. She could purify demons, although she would never seek them out, to vanquish them. After all, not all of them were that bad...  
  
She rested her weary head in her hands. The smell of dinner started to make it's way to her. She hadn't eaten since this morning, and she should feel hungry, but she didn't. She didn't want to leave her musings. Maybe she could learn from the past. Never to repeat it. Trying to avoid the mistakes that she had made. Trying to avoid a certain Demon Lord.

* * *

_Rain was falling down hard and when she looked up towards the sky, it only promised more.. The water had drenched their clothes, and chilled them to the bone. All were shivering, save Inuyasha, who stubbornly walked along, ignoring the discomfort of his fellow travellers. He had a purpose; another shard, somewhere in a deep forest. Kagome had come to fear the woods; one would never know what lay hidden, waiting for the best opportunity to attack. Kagome feared one more than all others, though she hadn't seen him since their little fight four days ago. But she knew he would come back. The Lord of the Western Lands didn't take a defeat well. He would come back and try to kill her again. She tried her hardest to never get separated from her companions, but sometimes it was unavoidable. Then, she tried to return to safety as soon as possible. Perhaps, she was being too cautious (if that was possible, in the Sengoku Jidai) as she didn't know had bad she had wounded him, so he could as well be still recuperating from his wounds. But better safe than sorry, right?  
  
"Inuyasha, we have to find some form of shelter. Dusk is already setting in. Soon, we won't be able to see where we are going. And if we don't get warm, we could catch a cold, and get sick."  
  
"Stupid humans with their pathetic eyesight and weak bearings!"  
  
"Miroku has a point, Inuyasha," Kagome said quietly, "sick, we would be even more of a bother to you," her tone was slightly sarcastic. "There will be no travelling at all, till that person gets better."  
  
"Are you trying to tell me what to do, wench? I don't need your advice!" He started to walk even faster, until he was running at a slow pace. The others didn't try to keep up with him, too exhausted as they were. Soon, the hanyou was out of sight.  
  
"Would you look at that?! He knows we can't keep up with him!!" Sango bristled.  
  
"He'll probably go somewhere and sit in a tree and sulk about how slow we are," remarked Miroku dryly.  
  
Kagome and Sango gave him a weak smile at his attempt at humour.  
  
"Come on guys, we have to find some shelter. Maybe there will be a village up ahead."  
  
"I hope we'll find something soon. The rain isn't letting up, and I'm afraid we'll become lost in the dark..." Miroku didn't finish his story. Instead, he squinted his eyes, and said then, excitedly: "I see something like a building! There, behind those trees!"  
  
As the others saw it too, their spirits lifted somewhat, and they picked up their pace. Soon, they had reached the building, which wasn't more than an old, abandoned hut, but to them, it was dry and warm.  
  
With some dry wood they found inside the little shack, they started a fire, and soon, everyone started to feel a little better already. Clothes were taken off, and spread out to dry; blankets were rolled out, and food was being prepared. The others were busy with these simple chores, but Kagome's mind drifted off to Inuyasha. She was slightly worried. What if he caught a cold? Could hanyous catch them? Probably not, but... What if he ran into trouble? She knew he could take care of himself, but whenever he ran off, she was worried.  
  
A loud smack brought Kagome back to the present. Miroku had tried to take advantage of the situation, and started to make advances on Sango, who wore nothing more than a very large shirt. They had to get dry, and Miroku surely enjoyed every second of Sango wearing very little.  
  
"Hentai!!" Sango screamed, and proceeded to slap him once more. Kagome and Shippou smiled at their antics, while Kirara seemed to shake her little head in exasperation. When would those two admit that they liked each other?  
  
Eventually, the two people-in-denial settled down and started to eat. As Kagome munched on the Ramen, she was getting more and more uneasy. Where was he? She just couldn't get used to his constant disappearances. She hated it! She didn't know where he was going or what he was doing... or who he was seeing...  
  
She put her empty plate down, stood up and pulled her still damp jacket on.  
  
"Where are you going?" Sango asked curiously.  
  
"I'm going to see if I can find Inuyasha. The rain has almost stopped, so I thought that I could go and see if he is near, and maybe if he wants something to eat, or if he wants to talk, or maybe he just-"  
  
"Kagome, stop it! You always get worried sick about him, and he just isn't worth it! He always vents his anger on you, he never appreciates your concern, and he doesn't care about the hurt he inflicts on you whit his words! I say leave him be! Let him sulk! I bet he still can't deal with the fact that you bested his brother twice now! He isn't thinking about anyone else but himself, so let him stew in his own juices!!"  
  
Kagome flinched at the mentioning of Inuyasha's half-brother. Of course she and Shippou had told them about their run-in with Sesshoumaru, and Shippou had been sure to tell them in full detail how she had blasted the Demon Lord, without using her arrows. Her friends had been worried and surprised of course, but Inuyasha had raced back to the spot, to see if his brother was there, and maybe to confirm the story... he just couldn't believe the little snap of a girl could do that, again!  
  
It had made him even more crankier and sullen. It was unpleasant to travel with him during the day. At night, he disappeared, leaving them alone. Sure, they could protect themselves, but it kept Kagome out of her sleep. But now, she would just try to see if he was maybe outside the shack, too proud to come inside, to admit he had been wrong. She always was the one to take the first step, to admit she had been wrong (even if that wasn't the case...) It didn't cost her much, except her pride, maybe, and if she could make the situation between them a little better... And that was all that mattered; how could they work together efficiently, if they didn't even talked with each other? She had to be the grown up person in this situation.  
  
"I know that, Miroku, and thanks... I won't go far, just outside. I'm not so stupid to go for a walk in the woods, you know. I don't want to run into homicidal Demon half-brothers again!" She let them believe her last encounter with Sesshoumaru had been an unfortunate coincidence, not a visit with a deadly purpose!  
  
"Kagome... All right, go outside. You won't be able to sleep otherwise." At Kagome shocked face, Sango smiled softly at her friend. "You thought we didn't know? You don't have to try to hide it from us, Kagome. We know how you feel. You can talk with us, you know. Maybe that will help you to... move on. Like Miroku said; he just isn't worthy of you worrying over him."  
  
"I wished it could be that easy," she whispered, and fled out of the cabin, before anyone could see her tears. She took a few steps away from the door, even though she could barely see a thing; the moon and stars were hidden by the thick layer of clouds. Not the tiniest light could be spotted. The darkness seemed to engulf her, making her shiver with the ominous feeling that hung in the air. Her shivers only became worse when the cold merged with the wetness of her jacket. Maybe she better got back inside.  
  
"Inuyasha?" She said softly. She waited patiently, hoping against better judgement that he was there, sitting in a tree.  
  
"Inuyasha? Are you there?" She tried again. The forest stayed quiet. It was almost too quiet. Kagome frowned. She was getting a real bad feeling, and was about to return to the safety of the hut and the comfort of the warm fire, when she heard movement.  
  
Hesitantly, she took a few steps forward. "Inuyasha? Don't be so stubborn, and come inside! Please? We have saved you some Ramen! Inuyasha?" Another few careful steps, and she was suddenly very close to the sounds. What if it was a youkai, looking for the Shikon shards? She narrowed her eyes, trying to make something out in the blackness of the night. To no avail; she couldn't see a thing. Maybe it was better to get back inside. Maybe it was just an animal, looking for food...  
  
She backed up, not wanting to turn her back to the forest. Something about it made her very wary of the dangers that could lie hidden in the shadows. The shack was only a couple of feet behind her, but she felt very alone and vulnerable right now.  
  
As she took another step back, she bumped into something. She frowned. A tree? There was no tree between her and the shack... She froze.  
  
A heavy hand fell on her right shoulder. She almost jumped, but the hand firmly pressed her down. She tried to turn around, but the person behind her prevented her from doing that, as he lay his other hand on her left shoulder. She turned her head slightly, afraid what to find. When she saw the hand and wrist, she didn't have to see the face to know who the person behind her was. These magenta stripes...  
  
Suddenly, she became angry. It swallowed up the fear and shock. Why did he... stalk her?! He was stalking her! She didn't want anything to do with him, she didn't mean him any harm, and he still continued to harass her! She hadn't asked for this! So why didn't he leave her alone?!  
  
She opened up her mouth to tell him what was exactly on her mind, but she was muffled by one of his hands.  
  
"Be quiet," He whispered in her ear. His breath was hot upon her skin, and she started to squirm under his hold.  
  
"Now, be a good girl and stay still. Or do you want me to pay a visit to your friends?" He said softly. She immediately stopped her movements, and waited anxiously for his next move.  
  
He didn't take his hand off her mouth; he must have been wary of her making a sound, thus alarming her friends. His claws pierced through her clothing and her skin, drawing blood. Still, she didn't make a sound.  
  
"So, you were looking for that half breed, weren't you?" He didn't wait for a reply, as she couldn't give one. He lowered his head somewhat, until his chin rested on her head. With someone else, she could have found this position intimate and caring; an embrace, but with him, it was a mockery of all those things. He was acting not like his normal, cold self; the Youkai who held such a distaste and disgust, yes, even hate for humans, was now deliberately touching one! She shuddered, and he smirked slightly. He moved his arm from her shoulder to her waist, securing her to his proud figure.  
  
"I saw him on my way... The fool didn't even notice me. I guess he was too... preoccupied with his companion..."  
  
Kagome felt dread fill her. Her shoulders slumped. Companion... He didn't need to tell her who.  
  
Sesshoumaru's smirk widened ever so slightly when he noticed her reaction. Does it hurt? Good.  
  
"I think it was the priestess. What was her name again... Kikyou? I remember her. Wasn't she the one who pinned him to that tree for a fifty years? And still he goes after her, even now she is nothing more than a mockery of what she once was. Clay and earth, with only hate to live for... And still he wants to be with her. More than he wants to be with you, doesn't he?"  
  
Kagome felt tears prick in her eyes. So, it was true then. Her suspicions were true. She closed her eyes, willing the tears to go away. She would not give in to her tears and she would not crumble in front of the Demon Lord. Because after all, that was all he wanted. That was why he sought her up again, to rub into her face, that she was worth even less to Inuyasha, than a vengeful and dead version of his true love. She was nothing in the eyes of Inuyasha. She just came in handy sometimes, and that was why he still tolerated her. Her self-loathing had just reached a new height.  
  
Sesshoumaru could barely contain his malicious enjoyment. He could smell her tears, and her aura, with so much grief and sorrow in it, was dancing around her. Good. She deserved it.  
  
"I heard him say you were nothing to him, but a sharddetector... And even at that you are lacking... And always a bother to him, hindering the rest of your group in their progress..."  
  
He felt a warm liquid falling on his hand. She was crying. She was so weak! It disgusted him. It disgusted him that even when she was led by her silly emotions, she somewhere had the power to cause him damage. Him! The Lord of the Western Lands! He detested it. He detested her! Her purifying powers had run through his body, wreaking havoc, but in more ways than one... Somehow, it had become a thrill to feel... He simply did not knew how to explain it. Another reason to simply kill her! He had no use for this!  
  
He was confused. He, Sesshoumaru, was confused about this girl. He wondered about her. And this was something he never did. She was a nuisance. He sometimes caught himself thinking about her. Somehow, the little human had wormed her way into his mind. It was preposterous!  
  
However, he wouldn't be so careless again. She would never be able to wound him again. He wouldn't be surprised by her again. No more unsuspected attacks or secret powers... He was in control. He would stay in control. He had always been in control, over everything in his life. One little Miko wouldn't change that. She was not worthy of his thoughts...  
  
Damn her and her alluring powers!  
  
He unconsciously tightened his grip on her waist, making her gasp. The hot breaths of her against his hand, making him rather aware of his tight grip he still had on her face. Just one quick and strong flick of his wrist, and he could break her neck... But why end it now? He could make her suffer for the humiliation she had put him through. She would find out that he, Sesshoumaru, would not be fooled with. She would pay.  
  
Why he felt this almost alien satisfaction and dark joy when he saw her pain, he did not know. It was so different compared with what he felt for his half-brother. That was a cold hate, disgust and the resolve to put an end to this shame to his family name. But for her... The urge to see her in pain was a burning need, and when he succeeded, he felt the malicious satisfaction sweep through him. About her power... He felt attracted to it. He wanted it for himself... Why was a simpering human wench bestowed with such amounts of power? It was a fluke! She was a flaw in his world!  
  
Kagome wasn't aware of the unusual feelings she raised in the demon Lord. She was aware, however, of the increasing pressure on her waist and face. She was afraid he would shatter her jawbone. She weakly struggled in his confining grip. But the emotional turmoil she had went through, had drained her of her strength... And safety was just a couple of feet away... She wondered if she would ever make it. He would probably kill her here, to finish what he had intended to do all along; kill her.  
  
Suddenly, she no longer cared. What if he did? Would it be that bad? Her friends, and especially Shippo came to her mind and she knew she had to try for him. Shippo depended on her! What kind of parental figure would she pretended to be, if she gave up so easily? He needed her. And he gave her unconditional love in return... that would be enough to fight for... It was enough to fight for!  
  
Suddenly she was released, and she fell to the ground on her front. She quickly turned around, not wanting to get caught surprised by Sesshoumaru's actions. He stood before her, towering over her. She craned her neck to see his face. That expressionless, cold face. Eyes which gave nothing away.  
  
"Inuyasha is not here to save you... Would he, if he was here? Think that over. We'll meet again." And he disappeared, leaving her alone; shaking with cold, fear and a deep sadness. She picked herself up, and stumbled towards the shack. Opening the door, she felt the welcoming warmth of the fire. Though it couldn't reach her bleeding heart._

* * *

Things had gone from bad to worse since that day. It was about a week ago, but so much had happened since then. She could count on a visit from Sesshoumaru almost each and every night. It mattered not how hard she tried to avoid him; somehow he managed to catch her alone. That was frustrating, to say the least. His taunts and insults grew worse. He found the last remains of her self-confidence, and ripped them apart. He poisoned her spirit and heart with his careless, but well-placed words. He used her greatest weakness, Inuyasha, so expertly, so ruthlessly. He was looking for her breaking point. Was he looking for another burst of that strange Miko power? She didn't know if she could muster the strength for that anymore...  
  
During the day, it was Inuyasha who would hurt her, and at night it was his brother who continued that treatment. And he was so much more refined in it! She had to give it to him; he was much better in it than his brother... Their 'meeting' from two days ago came to her mind. It was one of the most humiliating and painful things she had experienced this far in her life. And that was to say something, wasn't it?

* * *

Here it is, chapter 3. Review, please? 


	4. More cruelty

**In too Deep**  
  
**Chapter 4: More Cruelty**  
  
_"Hotsprings, Sango! Hotsprings!" Kagome was almost jumping up and down in excitement. Already she was thinking about the cleaning warm water and delicious smelling shampoo and soap. No quick plunge into a freezing river to get rid of the dirt that clung to her after a long day travelling, but a real soaking in a warm bath. Sango would always shake her head as she stood by and saw her friend jump into a cold stream and wash herself as quickly as she could. Then to get out, shivering and with chattering teeth.  
  
But hotsprings were a heaven. Even Sango would join her now. Some of her hygiene habits had rubbed off on Sango. And she loved the bubbling soaps Kagome brought back with her.  
  
"So, I take you will go bade tonight?" Miroku innocently inquired. Both girls looked at him suspiciously.  
  
"Yes, we are," Sango said firmly, "and if I even get the idea you're in the vicinity, I'll make sure you think twice before doing it again."  
  
Miroku managed to get a hurt look on his face. "You are so... cruel, my dear Sango. Would I ever-"  
  
"Yes, you would." Kagome added. "And we're getting tired of your 'habits'. So leave us alone, for just once, ok?"  
  
Both Sango and Miroku looked worriedly at Kagome; her voice betrayed her exhaustion, and it tore down the mask she usually wore to conceal her ever- growing grief. The grief festered in her heart. And the priest and the exterminator were getting increasingly worried about their once so cheerful companion. Were was the optimism and hope that were so characteristic for the girl?  
  
Inuyasha didn't seem to notice, nor care. They tried to shield their friend from the brunt of Inuyasha's temper; nobody seemed to know why he had such a bad temper and sudden changes in his mood. But they knew he took it all out on Kagome, and that had to stop. But they didn't know why, nor could they think of a way to keep Kagome away from Inuyasha. She was as faithful and caring to him as ever, and she seemed to feel something was wrong with him, and was offering her heart to him, everything to make him happy. But it slowly destroyed her by doing so.  
  
"Rest assured, ladies. I will keep an eye on Inuyasha and Shippou, to keep them out of trouble."  
  
"Thanks, Miroku, that's real sweet of you."  
  
"Anything for you, Kagome."  
  
"Mmm, what about dinner, Monk. Kagome would like that after her bath." Sango said slyly, watching Miroku as he frowned. He quickly got his wits back.  
  
"Do you think it's wise to leave dinner in my care, my dear lady?"  
  
"No!" Shippou said, with a stricken look on his cute face. "I would like something edible! He always burns the food!"  
  
Sango sighed deeply. "Oh, all right. We'll see to it. But don't expect any dinner soon! But you can make yourself useful. Go get some wood, and water- not at the hotsprings, Monk!- and start a fire. Maybe Inuyasha can hunt some game, so we'll have some fresh meat tonight?" She addressed the hanyou, who was sitting silently, which was very unnatural for him, in a tree. He seemed to be paying no attention to the little group below him. He was instead looking off into the distance, breathing in and out deeply. He seemed to scent the air.  
  
"There's something else I need to do. I'll see you tomorrow." Inuyasha didn't looked at them, but jumped out of the tree and was off. Kagome looked at the spot he just left, a hurt and confused look on her face. But as soon as they got sight of it, it had disappeared and was replaced with a false cheeriness.  
  
"Well, it has to be something important!" She knew already where he was. Sesshoumaru only had confirmed her suspicions about his whereabouts at night. The only thing that got him to leave the precious shikon shards, was his lover. Bitterness seeped into her thoughts.  
  
She felt someone touching her hand. "Come on, Kagome, let's take a bath." Sango stood beside her, and was looking at her with clear concern. Kagome faked a smile, but she couldn't fool Sango. She sighed deeply.  
  
"It's just... I worry so much when he's away. He never tells us what he's doing, nor where he goes... I worry he'll be gone one night and never return..."  
  
Sango didn't say a thing but led her to the hotsprings. Kagome began to automatically undress herself, after putting her bathing supplies close to the edge of the rocky natural basin. She shivered due to the biting cold in the air, and it shook her somewhat out of the melancholy she was in. She hurried into the steaming water, and yelped at the contrast it had on her cold body. Sango smiled at the antics of her friend, and sank deeper into the hot water. She hoped the water would soothe Kagome's worried nerves. Kagome was so wound up lately. She jumped at sudden noises, and was afraid of being alone... Maybe that had to do with Inuyasha leaving them all the time, but- No, there was more. Sango was almost certain of it. Sometimes Kagome stared off into the distance, and then her hand moved to her neck, rubbing the flesh there, like she had an itch or something. Sango couldn't tell; the collar of her shirt covered it. And now her long hair was conveniently draped over her neck.  
  
"Isn't this great?" Kagome purred, leaning against the smooth wall of the rocky basin, eyes closed.  
  
"Yes, it is." After that, none of them spoke, just content bading themselves.  
  
"So... I think I have soaked enough. You coming?"  
  
"Yeah, uh... my hair... I wanted to do that tonight too. Well, maybe another time, I'll-"  
  
"Do your hair. What is there to worry about? I can hear Miroku and Shippou clearly, so camp is close. I'll go and start dinner."  
  
Sango got out of the hotspring and quickly dried herself, and put her clothes on. She gave her friend a smile before she disappeared in the shrubbery.  
  
Kagome started to work the shampoo into her hair. She worked fast, as she didn't want to take long. She could hear her friends; the mumbling of their talking, the very faint whispers of a crackling fire, a rather loud slap and the shrieked "Pervert!!". Still, she felt very uncomfortable.  
  
And it was so quiet around her, except for the sounds of the camp. Only the sound of running water was heard, but for once it didn't soothe Kagome's nerves. She quickly ducked her head under the water and rinsed her hair.  
  
She hastily got out of the water, and grabbed the cloth to dry herself. She was getting more nervous by the minute, even though she was telling herself she was acting ridiculous. She shivered; due to the cold or her rising unease, she didn't really know.  
  
"After seeing this, I begin to understand why that half-breed prefers that walking corpse."  
  
Kagome didn't turn around. She was frozen. Her body just failed to listen to her mind, which was screaming. Screaming at her to run, to hide, to call for her friends. Her mind screamed at the injustice of him seeing her when she was so vulnerable. She clutched the cloth to her body, like it would completely cover her. But her back was bared to the eyes of the cold Demon Lord, and the piece of cloth hardly covered both her breasts and her private parts.  
  
She opened her lips, but no sound came out. She knew he still stood there, with all his arrogance and cruelty, waiting patiently for her to make the next move. But she refused to turn around. Where was Inuyasha when she truly needed him?  
  
She tried again to call out to her friends, but her voice had been stolen from her. And did she dare involve her friends in this?  
  
"Nothing to say, human? I think I would neither, if I were you, caught in this position."  
  
She could feel his eyes scrutinising every detail of her naked flesh. She lowered her head in shame.  
  
"Yes, caught while bading. Did you ever wonder why exactly that mutt choose a dead woman over you, hmm? Did you ever took a close look at yourself? Of course, your faces resembles each other but... I think the similarities stop there. She is a real woman, with the body of one... What do you think you are? Merely a girl, pretending to be more than she really is. Or perhaps some are just a bit more blessed.." His words were mocking, his voice a harsh sneer which cut through the last remains of her self-esteem. He was right. Her body was still developing, and she secretly feared she would never get such luscious curves like some of her friends already had. Her rational thoughts told her it was normal to feel insecure about her own body, but that didn't lessen the fact that she knew she was rather scrawny compared to Sango and... Kikyou.  
  
"Truth hurts, doesn't it?" She could almost see the smirk on his face, the malicious delight clearly tangible in his voice.  
  
She didn't answer him, but took a step closer to the spot she had carelessly dumped her clothes. They beckoned her, offering her a retreat from the contempt in his eyes. She didn't have to see his eyes to know that. That's how he always looked at her. And it burnt her, made her feel even more worthless.  
  
Suddenly, he appeared before her eyes, standing between her and her clothes. She jumped back startled. Her eyes flew to his face, meeting the coldness of his eyes. Though his face didn't show anything he felt, it were his eyes that gave her hints of what he was thinking and feeling.  
  
His eyes swept lazily over her exposed form, and a degrading smirk lifted the corners of his mouth.  
  
She held the cloth tightly to her body, while she looked down at the rocky earth. She didn't want to see him anymore. Maybe, if she just ignored him, he would go away.  
  
She took a step back, and he followed her steps. A foolish move on her part; it only got her further away from her clothes!!  
  
At once, without she seeing him move, he stood close before her, and had reached out a hand. Before she had the chance to react at all, he had snatched the small towel away from her, making her gasp and stumble further back.  
  
No!! Her horrified mind screamed out. No!! This was so unfair... She tried to increase the distance between them, but tripped over a rock. She started to fall backwards, and braced herself for a painful collision with the rockhard soil.  
  
Her fall was halted as he grabbed both her arms and yanked her back. The force behind it threw her right into his imposing figure.  
  
"N-No!!" Shame and embarrassment gave her extra strength, as she tried to push him away, to pull herself loose from his grip, but she was no match for him. He continued to hold her, while he still watched her with his eyes. A derisive and degrading smirk had settled on his face, making her even more ashamed.  
  
But his eyes... As she dared to look right into them, she saw a strange light into them. It made her feel even more uncomfortable, afraid. The light was almost completely shadowed by the arrogance and malicious amusement. The bastard was enjoying every minute of her humiliation. He took it all in with a perverse pleasure.  
  
Still, as his eyes travelled slowly over her bared form, she saw the light grew stronger. She shivered. He was really enjoying this!  
  
"P-Please... Leave me alone," she whispered. The plea was clearly heard by both of them, and Kagome wanted to curl up and cry. Would this never end?  
  
The smirk got wider as he heard her pleading. He drank in the sight of her humiliation and her scent that was filled with the pain and degrading and doubt and insecurities. Once more, the dark satisfaction at seeing her pain ran through him, making him light-headed.  
  
"Ah, poor little human. But trust me, when I say that this is perhaps for the better! Perhaps now you will give up on those foolish hopes and expectations. Haven't you figured it out by now? Inuyasha is attracted by certain attributes of a woman. That, and maybe a domineering personality... That priestess didn't take any crap from him; she knew just how to treat that mutt.  
  
You, girl, are certainly lacking in areas." His eyes lazily swept over her chest and she wanted to run, far, far away.  
  
"You let him run loose. Oh, that little subduing spell is quite handy, but as you use it, it hardly leaves an impression."  
  
Sesshoumaru looked at the shivering girl and noticed the Goosebumps on her young flesh.  
  
"Cold? You pathetic humans..." he snorted as she tried again to get away from him. Her blush reached from her cheeks all the way down to her chest. Long, flowing black hair curled charmingly around her small shoulders. Flawless skin, a flat stomach, long legs, soft curves...  
  
With a snarl at his own unbidden thoughts, he suddenly pushed her roughly away from him; she stumbled and fell.  
  
What was this?!  
  
She lay at his feet, face averted, trying to get up. He could smell blood! Her blood! The heavy scent...  
  
She must have scratched herself. She was so easily hurt.  
  
Still, she struggled to get up. Her shoulders were shaking, and he could smell the salt of her tears. Finally, she was crying. It made her eyes like big, shimmering pools of liquid. Starlight seemed to be captivated in them. Her eyes, which gave all her sweetness, caring and stubbornness away.  
  
She tried to get up. Still, she wasn't completely defeated yet. Where did she get this strength?  
  
He wanted it gone! He wanted to crush it, and with it his strange fascination with her strength, with her power, with her!! Yes, it had gone far beyond the fascination with her power! He started to growl! He didn't like this! It was unbecoming for him! How dare she!  
  
He lashed out to her in his confusion and rage.  
  
"I think," his voice had turned into cutting ice, "that even if you crawled to him, naked, he would laugh at your pathetic attempt for his attention!" She shrank back from him, clutching her side. Had she somehow bruised a hip or something? He had thrown her down with great force... What did he care!?  
  
With a burning need to make her pay for these strange emotions, he continued: "Just give it up! With a body like this and your irritating and useless personality, you wouldn't be able to please any man, and certainly not an hanyou!"  
  
A sob escaped her, and she brought a hand to her face, which was hidden to him by the curtain of her hair.  
  
"You disgust me. Get out of my sight."  
  
Her eyes flew to his face and the disgust and scorn written on it made her choke back another sob. He took a step aside, as to clear her path and she scrambled for her clothes. She picked them up and ran into the woods, in quite the opposite direction of her campsite. Silly girl.  
  
Her soft whimpers and the smell of her tears stayed with him and he revelled in them. Ah... Such pain, such anguish; it made him feel alive. Still... Something in him was whispering softly. Like there was more... More he wanted, more he could get off her. So much more she promised, so much more she contained than what he just got out of her... Maybe he should aim for a different goal...  
  
Such nonsense!! He frowned at himself. What the hell was going on?!_

* * *

Kagome shivered again as she quickly pushed the memories away. It still bothered her, very much. What bothered her the most was that Sesshoumaru was right. What exactly did she have to offer?  
  
After he had destroyed the last remains of what once could have been called her self-esteem, she had ran away, blinded by tears, never caring where she was going, or what she could meet.  
  
She never exactly knew how long she had continued her mad pace through the forest. She only came back to herself after she tripped over a large root and had fallen hard on her face and chest. Her whole ribcage had screamed in protest (maybe she had a bruised rib or so). The pain brought her back to herself, like a hysterical person who's slapped hard in the face. She had quickly pulled on her clothes, and looked around herself, trying to figure out where she was.  
  
Her surroundings were completely unfamiliar to her. That was the last straw. She had huddled underneath the ancient tree which had tripped her, and broke down. She had cried out her shame, humiliation, pain and sadness. But most of all, she cried for the hopelessness of her situation, and the bitter truth of Sesshoumaru's words. Because to her it was the truth anyway. No matter what her mother or her friends told her; Inuyasha thought of her as little more than nothing. And she cared about what he thought! His opinion of her mattered to her!  
  
The cold seeped in her limps, mingling with the cold in her heart. Maybe she should go back to camp. She had to play her part. She tried not to worry her friends too much. They had enough on her mind already.  
  
Now she thought about it, she was acting awfully selfish. That had to stop. Her friends didn't need to worry over her; it distracted them from their goal; kill Naraku. That was important.  
  
Sango was almost never leaving her out of her sight this last two days. It was Sango who eventually found her in the forest. She had somehow fallen in some kind of nightmare filled slumber. She hadn't even woken up when Sango had come to sit next to her. However, when she embraced her, Kagome had waken up, cheeks still tainted by her tears, despair in her eyes. Sango hadn't said anything, but pulled her in a tight hug, making Kagome burst out in tears. She had cried brokenly in her friends arms.  
  
Sango, nor her other friends had asked her what had driven her from the hotspring and away from the camp. They thought it was perhaps due to her feelings towards Inuyasha. What if they knew the whole truth? They would never let her out of their sight again. And Inuyasha... he would probably accuse her of actually trying to rile his much hated half-brother up. He would probably say it was her own fault for interfering in their stupid feud.  
  
"Kagome!" Shippou came bouncing towards her.  
  
"Kagome, dinner's ready. You coming?"  
  
"Sure." Kagome got up, and grimaced at her stiff muscles, and the aching in her chest. She hadn't told them about the bruised rib. Perhaps a bit stupid, as it was really troubling her, but she didn't want to tell them and be the reason for another delay in their search. Because her friends would make sure she would get rest, and then Inuyasha would be really pissed. And she didn't want to deal with him right now.  
  
"Come on, Kagome! The food will get cold!"  
  
She grinned at the little Kitsune. "Calm down, firecracker! I'm coming!"

* * *

A/N: End chapter 4... Let me know what you think! 


	5. An ending

A/N: Thanks for the reviews!  
  
**In too deep**  
  
**Chapter 5: An ending  
**  
Dusk was almost gone... Soon, it would be night. Darkness seemed to creep over the lands, driving away the last remains of light, creating shadows even more sinister.  
  
Soon, night would have fallen and then... He would pay the Miko another visit.  
  
It had become almost an addiction, an compulsive need...  
  
He snarled fiercely as he admitted it to himself... He looked forward to the nights... He looked forward to their meetings... Something in him, deep down and instinctive drove him to seek her out every night.  
  
Particular instincts that he never felt before in his long lifetime... He had to admit to a difficulty in clearly understanding them... And he knew while he kept fighting them, instead of giving in, to give over control... He would never truly understand them.  
  
But he didn't let instincts rule him. He never relinquished control... The very few occasions he had done that, it had cost him dearly.  
  
So he refused to let go of his prided control. But he did give in to the urge of seeking her out... He had found out that ignoring that urge was almost impossible.  
  
But deep down, his true demon was starting to get impatient. It was riled up, and he did not know how to appease it... other than giving in to his instincts.  
  
He frowned and bared his lengthening fangs. Even now, something swept through his blood and clouded his mind.  
  
Damn.  
  
All right. He would go now.  
  
Sesshoumaru didn't bother fetching Ah-Uh. He would run through the lands, hoping to release some of the tension that coiled inside him. It never seemed to work for long, but any release was welcome to him now.  
  
He was a mere white flash racing through forests and over grassy plains. He took in deep breaths of the rapidly cooling air. He couldn't pick up her scent, no, not yet...  
  
Damn. Where was this sudden obsession of him leading to? Maybe he should eliminate her, and the threat she somehow posed to his own mind.  
  
No, he couldn't... not yet, any way, he had to-  
  
Why did he kept deluding himself? Every time he had been on the verge of killing her, something within him stopped him... Why? What? How?  
  
He hoped he would find out soon; he was afraid he would otherwise soon loose his mind...

* * *

"So, what are we eating tonight?" Kagome asked the bouncing Kitsune.  
  
"Ramen! What else?"  
  
"Yeah, stupid me."  
  
"But your supply is running out... Maybe you have to get more." Shippou pulled a face when he said that. He always missed her very much whenever she went home, and now he actually suggested it himself! But she always brought that tasty treat... hmmm, chocolate...  
  
"I suppose I have to go home soon, yes... My family would like to see me again..."  
  
"I bet. You haven't gone home in a long while, Kagome. I bet your mother is very worried."  
  
"They're all worried. I want to see them again, but-"  
  
"But what, Kagome? Why haven't you gone home sooner? You still have school, haven't you?"  
  
"Yes, well... It's just that you guys need me... Inuyasha has been so wound up lately... I don't want to upset him further... It would only make him angry if I would go home. We would waste precious time."  
  
The little Kitsune snorted. "I don't think Inuyasha has the right to become angry anymore... He's treating you like dirt! And besides, we haven't heard about any shikon shard for a while. So I don't see why you couldn't go home for a while. But not too long, all right?"  
  
Kagome didn't seem to hear him as she stared unseeingly in the distance.  
  
"What's up, Kagome?"  
  
"There are less and less shikon shards... Things are coming to a closure... and no matter how it will turn out, it will be something of an end... Naraku will soon come for our shards, I think."  
  
Shippou didn't say anything at that, but jumped and perched on her shoulder, throwing his arms around her neck.  
  
"I don't wanna think about that." His words were muffled in her hair.  
  
"Me neither, but somehow I just can't stop it from popping up in my head from time to time."  
  
"But we're going to win! W-won't we? We can't loose... Nothings going to happen, r-right?"  
  
The uncertainty and fear in his voice tore at her heart. Their little group was all he had... If something happened to them... She didn't want to think about it; Shippou all alone, without someone to look out for him, to care for him. He was still so young, but too much had already gone wrong in his short life.  
  
Shippou was enough for her to keep fighting. Inuyasha wasn't as important as her little demon child... Their fights should never lead to her forgetting about him... She was his parent now, not by blood, but by everything else that bound them together. Inuyasha didn't matter; Shippou came first, and she better had to remind herself of that... She had been too busy with her feelings of hurt and rejection, she should have known better than that!  
  
She brought the kit down, until he was resting safely in her arms, head buried in her neck.  
  
"Everything will be all right. Nothing will happen to us. I promise, Shippou. I will let nothing happen to us."  
  
"I know, Kagome, but sometime... I feel scared."  
  
"Me too. But we're going to be all right. I promise. Do you trust me?"  
  
"I do, Kagome."  
  
Both didn't need to say anything more and Kagome started once more for their camping site. Soon, the fetching smell of ramen tickled their noses and both felt their mouths starting to water.  
  
"Oh, I'm hungry!" It seemed to come as a surprise for Kagome. Most of the time, she wasn't hungry, and food didn't taste her anymore. But now she really wanted a bowl of ramen!  
  
As they entered the clearing, Kagome immediately noticed Inuyasha was not there. Shippo apparently noticed it too.  
  
"Hey, where did Inuyasha go?"  
  
"Do we ever know?" Miroku answered patiently.  
  
"Stupid mutt," Shippou muttered.  
  
"Hey, that's not very nice!" It was a mere automatic response, as Kagome immediately fell back in her dejected mood and suddenly, the smell of ramen seemed to have lost it's appeal.  
  
"Though this time, he said he would be back soon. He said there would be some matters that needed to be dealt with... Don't ask for an explanation," Sango said beforehand, seeing Kagome open her mouth, "it was all he said."  
  
"Well... I guess we can do nothing but wait now. Let's eat! But save something for Inuyasha, or has he already eaten?"  
  
Kagome didn't fool them; she was nervous. They all felt strangely bothered and slightly anxious; like they were waiting for something unpleasant to hit them...  
  
No one talked during their dinner, as everyone seemed to be preoccupied with their own thoughts and worries. Kagome ate something, but it wasn't much. She was too nervous to eat; she kept her eyes and ears open, waiting for Inuyasha to return.  
  
Suddenly, Inuyasha seemed to drop out of the sky, standing in the middle of the little group.  
  
Kagome let out a gasp of surprise, but quickly stood up, offering him a bowl filled with ramen with an inviting smile on her face.  
  
"Eat up, Inuyasha! It's almost cold!"  
  
"Feh!" He pulled up his nose. "I'm not in the mood for your human food!"  
  
Kagome's face fell. What was the matter with him? He had never said no to a bowl of ramen.  
  
"Besides, we have some things to discuss. Sit down." He barked at her.  
  
Kagome almost toppled backwards in her haste to sit down, but was quickly steadied by Shippo. What was the matter with Inuyasha? He was acting more gruff and irritated than normal!  
  
"Tell us what it is we need to discuss, Inuyasha," Miroku's voice was filled with a quiet anger. He apparently didn't take too well to Inuyasha's rudeness.  
  
"We have to talk about the Shikon shards. Or better, the lack thereof."  
  
"Lack? I didn't lost them," Kagome said, confused.  
  
"No. Not yet, anyway." His biting words caused Kagome to flinch.  
  
"What the problem is," continued Inuyasha, "is the fact that we haven't found many lately."  
  
"We're doing the best we can. We listen to the rumours, but as long as Kagome doesn't sense one-"  
  
"Indeed. Kagome doesn't sense them... She's the cause we're finding so few of them! Her abilities are inadequate at best, which she can't help, I'm sure. No, what we need are some reinforcements! Someone who can help us finding them sooner, before Naraku has a chance to get them! I'm sure you all see the necessity in that."  
  
Kagome felt like she had been slapped in the face. She didn't say anything, but kept looking Inuyasha in the eyes, hoping to see something that made all this seem like a bad joke or something...  
  
Nothing. She saw none of any gentler feelings there. Just determination and self-confidence.  
  
When he saw her watching, contempt flashed in his eyes. Not him too! Her heart cried out.  
  
"Face it, Kagome. You can't do much for us anymore, and you're only keeping us up."  
  
She wanted to curl up and nurse her heart which seemed on the verge of shattering.  
  
"We had Kagome as a kind of replacement for the real thing, and we have decided-"  
  
"Replacement? And who are 'we'? Do you hear what you are saying, Inuyasha?" Sango was trying to control her anger.  
  
"I can hear perfectly what I'm saying, so back off!" Inuyasha snarled at the demon exterminator, who visibly bristled at his rude remark.  
  
"Now, let me finish! I, no, we have decided to work together against Naraku. We have forgiven each other for what happened in the past, and we... we have reconciled. With we, I mean Kikyo and I. So that means we don't need Kagome anymore. She can go home, or whatever she wants to do. Or she can go and mate with that stupid wolf for all I care. I don't need her anymore."  
  
All at once, Miroku, Sango and Shippo were all talking rather loudly, angrily. But Kagome didn't hear their defence of her...  
  
It was over. Their relationship, their friendship, her love... Truly gone. Her love completely thrown aside. Deemed unworthy, unwanted. Her heart felt it had shattered now, just like the Shikon had... And the fragments seemed to be so small and scattered... Could she piece it back together?  
  
Did she want to?  
  
All she wanted now was to cry, to scream, to weep... Would it help her?  
  
Now, she started to feel a numbness start to spread through her... It felt like a nothingness.  
  
Cold... She started shivering again.  
  
"If you guys are smart, you should agree with me. We could make much more progress without her weighing us down. She can't fight; we always must look out for her! It's much better for all of us, if she went away and no longer bothered us."  
  
"No!" Shouted Sango. "You are such a fool, Inuyasha! She has other values! She's our friend! Not some tool which can be thrown away once it isn't useful anymore!"  
  
Miroku added in a quiet voice: "Do you actually listen to yourself? Kikyo? Working... together? I think she herself has been the cause of several of our setbacks. I do not trust her. I never will."  
  
"If she interfered, it was only for the greater goal. She knows better than we the ways in which Naraku works."  
  
"And how is that so? We all had suspicions about her working together with Naraku!" Sango said accusingly.  
  
Inuyasha growled at her. "You will not taint her name, Sango!"  
  
"I don't need to. She has already done that herself!" Sango refused to back down.  
  
Inuyasha snarled and made a move as to attack her.  
  
"Now, Inuyasha, don't do that. After all, we did start off on the wrong foot." The cold emotionless voice rang out to them.  
  
Kagome looked with a sinking feeling of finality as Kikyo stepped into the clearing. Why hadn't see noticed her before? Why had nobody noticed her?  
  
They had all been caught up in the outrageous words Inuyasha had spoken.  
  
Kikyo suddenly looked her reincarnation right in the eyes and sent her a disturbingly satisfied smile. In her eyes shone the light of victory.  
  
Kagome couldn't bear it any longer.  
  
She stood up, and opened her mouth, but closed it again. Her shoulders slumped, and the biting cold seemed to flow throughout her entire body. Good; better feeling numb than torn apart, right?  
  
"I'm going for a walk. At least you can give me some time to think it over, Inuyasha." Her voice was flat, dead.  
  
"What's there to think about-"  
  
"Give her a chance to think this through, Inuyasha. I think the poor girl is quite... shocked." Cold and mocking was her voice. Kagome wondered how Inuyasha could ignore the apparent maliciousness in her gaze.  
  
But Kagome didn't ask, though suddenly, she wanted to scream out all her disbelief and questions. Instead, she hung her head and stood up and walked into the forest, ignoring the pleas of her friends.

* * *

She did not know how long she had been walking exactly. All thoughts of dangers went out of her mind, after all, the terrain was familiar for her; Inuyasha's forest. She was approaching the well. It had a strong pull on her suddenly; it stood for unconditional love and acceptance. Her family... It was true; she hadn't been home for quite a while and her family must by now be very worried.  
  
Maybe it was better if she went home...  
  
But she couldn't leave her friends, she couldn't leave Shippo. She wouldn't.  
  
Still, the numbness in her heart scared her. Inuyasha had mercilessly crushed her heart and hopes; her fears had come true. Shouldn't she feel something?  
  
For a moment back there, she felt pain like nothing she had ever felt. Then, the cold and numbness took over.  
  
Was that normal?  
  
Her eyes were dry, but burning. Something pressed behind her eyes, causing her a headache, but she seemed unable to cry out... As if the shock, the reality was too harsh and had disabled her mind and body.  
  
She walked through the forest, unaware of the sudden quieting around her.  
  
There, in the small clearing, was the well. She let out a deep sigh and went to sit on the edge. She peered into the darkness inside and let out another sigh. Here was where it all started...  
  
"Going to throw yourself down, human? Finally relieve this world from your pitiful presence?"  
  
Kagome closed her eyes.  
  
Please. Not now.  
  
"It seems you finally know where you stand now... don't you? It must be hard, being replaced in just a moment... And by such a creature... Neither dead or alive."  
  
Kagome felt exhaustion flood her mind and limps. How long would this torture continue?  
  
"You could have expected this for some time now, weakling. Haven't I told you numerous times that you don't have what it takes to capture and hold the attention and lust of that hanyou? Even though it's just a half-breed, my father's blood is strong in him. Of course he wants a real woman instead of a simpering girl-child."  
  
Kagome didn't respond. She knew it... She just hadn't admitted to herself...  
  
Stupid... She felt so stupid!  
  
She dropped her feet back to the ground and stood on shaking legs.  
  
Desperation had set in, suddenly, fiercely. It ripped through her soul.  
  
With it came a sorrow and hurt too deep for words now.  
  
He was right. Sesshoumaru was of course right.  
  
Oh, and he enjoyed being right. He enjoyed seeing her reduced to something crushed and broken.  
  
She was that now; crushed and broken.  
  
She took one step towards him.  
  
It didn't mean she had lost all her dignity. And a tiny spark of anger and defiance still smouldered deep down here.  
  
She was going to end this, but on _her_ terms!  
  
"So, the great and mighty Sesshoumaru has come again to waste his time on this human girl." Her voice was entirely flat and emotionless. She raised her eyes to see his mockingly angelic face.  
  
He looked down his nose on her, wearing the same haughty expression.  
  
"You despise me... You kind of hate me for defending myself against you... and succeeding... You want revenge of course.  
  
I think you've reached it quite well now." She said softly.  
  
A menacing smirk adorned that beautiful mouth. "I can see you're quite broken, human. Yes, I think some matter of revenge has been reached..."  
  
"What more do you want then? Finish it."  
  
The Taiyoukai chuckled. "Now, now. Don't you know it pleases me much more to see you suffer-"  
  
"Suffer? Oh, yes, I do. And by doing so, it gives me such a clear image of you." She pulled up her nose, like she thought of something disgusting.  
  
He threw his head back, arrogantly. "You think I care of what you think of me?"  
  
"I don't care if you do or don't... I just wanted to tell you."  
  
How she wanted to end this now, but... he would never do such thing; as long as he had control, he wanted to see her suffer. So, what could she do about that? Her words did seem to rile him up on earlier occasions...  
  
"You are nothing more than a... a monster." Still, her voice was flat and lifeless. "A monster... I fear you yes, hate you... But most of all, I _despise_ you!!"  
  
Barely she had uttered those words, or he was upon her. With a snarl, he was in her face. So close, that their noses almost touched. His deep breaths blew on her cold skin, as she stared in his golden, red speckled eyes. Raging eyes.  
  
"You human? You despise me? Do you think I care? Don't be so careless with your words, or I'll rip your throat out."  
  
She guessed it was working...  
  
"So why don't you, then? I am so sick and tired of you! Sick and tired of your insults! Maybe I have a miserable life, but at least I don't mope over a blow to my ego!!" There was that smouldering piece of defiance!  
  
Anger him, taunt him, make him loose control. He can put an end to it...  
  
She kept silent, and continued to hold his gaze, watching for any kind of reaction. Reason had flew away, hurt and sorrow had clouded her senses. She just wanted a way out, a reprieve from the pain... A way to get away from herself! The rest of the world was forgotten... She started to experience more things now... new feelings. Betrayal raged through her blood, together with a deep sense of loss and loneliness.  
  
His eyes now were blood red. Good. Now they were getting somewhere. With all sense abandoned and nearly hysterical with loss, she taunted the demon to come out. Because somehow, someway, she seemed to get under his skin. Never had she seen him let loose his control so quickly and almost eagerly as with her. Not even his much despised half-brother could get this kind of response out of him.  
  
"If you can't get over the fact I somehow managed to stop you from killing us, _twice_, then fine!! Kill me, if that makes you feel better!  
  
Or do you want to keep me around, broken and destroyed? I bet you like that, don't you?! But I don't care now anymore what you want, or Inuyasha, or anyone else! I want it to stop. Somehow, some way, I'm going to put an end to it. Don't you want to do the honours, Lord Sesshoumaru?"  
  
Still, their eyes were locked, as he was snarling and growling at her.  
  
Then, she tentatively reached out, and took his hand. The demon froze and a shock travelled through him. Kagome didn't know what to make of this behaviour, but her own hurt increased as she took it for disgust. Disgust for her touching him.  
  
She took the strangely limp hand and placed it at her throat, pressing the sharp claws in her flesh.  
  
"Come on...," she whispered. "It's so easy..."  
  
Kagome stared into his eyes, willing him to end it.  
  
"You've won, Sesshoumaru. Now, finish what you've started. I've had enough. Please."  
  
She was begging.  
  
She was begging for her own death. Wasn't that his goal? This was his victory!!  
  
Why then, did he had this feeling that somewhere, it went all wrong? Somewhere, he had changed the purpose of this game of his, of his hunt, and he had fooled himself?  
  
His instincts were almost out of control now... To kill, right? No, the urge wasn't there...  
  
He didn't want her begging for her death... Though begging was good; she needed to learn her place.  
  
Her pulse was tangible beneath his fingers, and her blood beckoned him. Not to spill, but to savour, to taste...  
  
Gods, how had he failed to notice this?  
  
Her small hand closed over his, and pressed it deeper into her skin.  
  
"Please... stop this. Stop it now!" Kagome felt almost delirious from the vicious feelings deep inside her... She wanted them gone! To stop!  
  
His foolish half-brother! Stupid! And how _dared she_ to give up? Inuyasha's words couldn't be that cruel to drive her to this? Sesshoumaru felt suddenly strangely disturbed by her desperation. No, her death wish seemed suddenly so... wrong. So very wrong for this defiant, determined little human.  
  
_He_, Sesshoumaru had driven her to this point. His half-brother had just been the final straw.  
  
What was this? He needed to get his own blood under control! His demon was roaring at him, but somehow, he failed to understand this urgent message...  
  
"Come on now, Sesshoumaru..." She drove his claws deep into her flesh, drawing blood.  
  
The demon roared, thrilled by the smell. _Mine! Mine to take!_ Was all that went through his head.  
  
What?! Sesshoumaru almost winced at the sudden clarity in his mind.  
  
No. This could not be! Not now, not with... with... her! But his demon, all his instincts pushed him to...  
  
Not now and not without a piece of control. First, he had to come to terms with this!  
  
Instead of doing something rash, he slipped his hand from her throat to her neck, and pulled her violently against him. She gave a startled cry, and he smelt her fear. She hadn't expected this ferocious reaction!  
  
Surprise, little girl! Don't mess with this Sesshoumaru! He lowered his head, and crushed her unsuspecting mouth beneath his own. He delighted in her whimpers of fear, and attacked her mouth with a raging hunger. Her lips were closed, unresponding, but he set his fangs deeply into her lower lip, and got the desired effect. Her mouth opened in a gasp, and he was finally tasting her, licking her, filling her mouth, while the blood from the little puncture wounds tantalised his sense of taste.  
  
Sweet, so sweet. Her taste, combined with blood, was driving him to the edge, as he kept on devouring her. His other arm went around her waist to press her even further into him, and as well to steady her, because the last remains of defiance had completely left her, leaving her weak and bereft from the last desperate urges to carry on.  
  
She was lost in his kiss. He seemed to suck the live out of her... He felt the strange emptiness inside her and tried to fill it up.  
  
Deep gulps of air, filled with her alluring smell filled his nose and lungs, and his body started to burn... Oh, he now knew what his instincts had been telling him...  
  
He suddenly jerked away from her mouth, afraid to go on, afraid to loose control and just to...  
  
No, not now. It took all of his control and determination to release her and to take a step back.  
  
He was too preoccupied with getting himself back under control and to deal with this sudden revelation to see her raise her hand.  
  
The sudden slap to his face brought him back to her.  
  
How dared she?  
  
"How dare you!!" She screamed in his face, and he winced at the volume.  
  
"How dare you play with me like this, you... you! Oh, but by the gods, how I hate you! You are surely disgusting! I didn't know you could go this low!"  
  
How dared she to be so defiant? Didn't she knew her new place in his- No of course not, and he didn't feel ready yet to acknowledge it to himself, and at least of all to her!  
  
No, right now he needed a distance between them, otherwise he would- Argh! He didn't want to think about it!  
  
"Shut up!" he growled at her, eyes still bloodred.  
  
"Make me! You overgrown mutt! I hate you!"  
  
She was angry... Not longer lifeless or despairing... That was good, for now. Later, she would learn respect and obedience, but now... This anger would be better for her.  
  
"You, human... Next time you won't get away with such words. We'll see each other soon!"  
  
He took to the air, wishing to get out of her presence, which was now deeply imbedded deep down in him...  
  
"I won't count on it!!" She yelled to the air.  
  
He smirked at that. Foolish girl; hadn't she learned anything yet? This Sesshoumaru was always true to his words.

* * *

How dared he? How _dared_ he?! Kagome was suddenly furious. How did he dare to humiliate her even further by... by trying to kiss her?!  
  
Or could she call it that?  
  
Anyway, it was the last straw. That was it! She was going home!  
  
But first, she had some things to settle!  
  
She stomped off into the woods, heading for the campsite. Tears were running down her cheeks, but she angrily wiped them away. It was no use crying now. She had to be strong and dignified a little while longer... She could cry enough when she was home and with her family... She longed for them.  
  
Just as she took a few steps inside the forest, something barrelled into her. The breath left her body and she stumbled backwards, but not before securing the sobbing ball of fur against her body.  
  
"Kagome! You're still here! I thought you left already and would never come back!" The Kitsune hiccuped.  
  
"You know I wouldn't do that!" She said reassuringly at the trembling kit, while mentally wincing at what she had tried to do just some moments ago... How could she be so utterly selfish?! Others came before her own petty needs!  
  
"Yeah, but... I thought... Don't leave me!" Shippo buried his head into her stomach.  
  
"Oh, there you are." Kagome looked up to see Miroku and Sango with Kirara coming towards her.  
  
"Are you all right, Kagome? We thought we had heard you yelling... Did something happen?"  
  
"Really, guys. I'm fine, nothing happened."  
  
"Fine, my as-"With a scorching look from Kagome, Miroku shut up. "You're not fine, or did you want us to believe that what happened back there didn't touch you at all?"  
  
"I can't talk about this right now..."  
  
"We understand. But we came here to tell you we support you in whatever you decide to do... Even if you did decide to leave..." Sango said softly, sadly.  
  
"You think I would give up on you guys, on the shikon? You think I would take the easy way out... Though sometimes, like right now, I want to forget but... It's my fault this land is in chaos and a power-hungry hanyou is on the loose! You think I don't feel responsible for that?"  
  
"No! Kagome, we do not think that! It's just... We knew you loved him, and that it was more than just a crush. The pain can be so intense... Maybe you want to take a break from things." Miroku gave her a kind smile.  
  
Kagome let out a deep sigh. "I can't say that I don't want that. I want to go home. I bet they are all very worried about me."  
  
"So why don't you go home for a week? We'll wait for you. We do _not_ want to travel with Kikyo. Whatever Inuyasha thinks or says, she gives us the creeps. She is untrustworthy."  
  
"You don't have to stick with me, or to tell me that so I feel better. I know how important this is to you too."  
  
"Oh, we can take a break of a week or two. Then, we'll search for the shards ourselves, without Inuyasha. It will be more difficult, but we'll manage."  
  
Fresh tears burned in her eyes. "Thank you... for everything. You are really _real_ friends. But where is Inuyasha? I... I really want to scream at him, for putting me through weeks of... But on the other hand... I'm afraid to... I'm afraid that when I see him I'll start crying and won't be able to stop... That would be the ultimate humiliation..." She whispered softly.  
  
"He and Kikyo are gone... They said they would be back tomorrow and hear your answer. And they probably want the shards, too," Sango said, who was still rather angry.  
  
"I'll keep the shards. I do not dare to give them to _her_! We can put ours and theirs together, if we can manage to obtain them all, or..." Kagome didn't finish, as she didn't want to think about the other option.  
  
"That's what we were thinking. And in your time, they are relatively save, so Inuyasha has nothing to complain about... And if Naraku tries to go after you we will know who has told them about your whereabouts. And I don't think Kikyo is that stupid to do that."  
  
"All right then. Shippo, I'll only be gone for a week... Ok? I'll bring back lots of chocolate and-"  
  
Shippo looked rather said but said softly: "It's okay, Kagome. You need your Mum now... But I'll miss you..."  
  
Kagome took him in a tight hug. "I will miss you too! And I will come back, even if it's only for you."  
  
The Kitsune whispered something in her neck what sounded a lot like "Love you" and Kagome dropped a kiss on his cute bow. She put him down and said goodbye to her friends.  
  
She waved at them as she settled herself on the edge of the well. She was going to miss them, but the idea of home brought some comfort to her broken heart.  
  
She pushed off and felt herself being caught by the mysterious magic. She looked up to see the familiar well house.  
  
She was home. And promptly burst into tears.  
  
She didn't know if a week would be enough to get over the sudden betrayal.  
  
And how long would it take before she had found all the pieces of her shattered heart?

* * *

Err... Right. This is chapter 5... A little bit revised and all, but still..; err... R&R, bitte (starts practising German for approaching vacation in Austria... Do you know how long it's been since I've had German in highschool?! That's about... Five years!! I'm getting... old!)  
  
All right; now that you've all read this completely and utterly useless author's note, you have the ability to review! Yes! Isn't that an amazing opportunity?!  
  
Vegeta appears, knocks author unconscious and drags her away  
  
Vegeta: "That's what you get if you start writing in a different fandom! Damn authors! Stick to the good stuff!! Like... me!!"  
  
Vegeta walks away, all the while summoning up fics and chapters which need sequels and updates to a author who is blissfully unconscious! 


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